Where traditions end

If you're like me, college is where your holiday traditions stop being traditions. You and your siblings are all grown up. Both sides of the family aren't really keeping in touch. And you're away 5,000 miles for school.

No more of Grandma's hot dish at Halloween.
No more Thanksgiving shenanigans of who is supposed to say grace.
No more gathering on Christmas night with the family.
No more complex, but fun, Easter egg hunts.
No more birthday celebrations.

No more childhood life and/or home.


That's all gone. You grew up. You left home. You left your past behind, but not your past self.
She's still waiting at her grandparents house, sitting on the porch swing, dangling her feet, and quietly humming. Still wondering when everyone is going to come back.

That's when you know your family traditions end.

❤

Shortbread and Orange Juice

I don't know why I'm writing this, but it's a little substitute for therapy.

In psych today we are learning about the types of intelligence. Apparently, I am interpersonal, but the more I learn about the others, the more I feel like I'm all. I'm just little bits and pieces of them all.

On another note, what do you do if you have a friend who is wealthy and asks you to take you to a movie and then shopping with 600 quid? I mean, I would love to go to the movies, free movie, but the shopping? I'd rather use that money to ship clothes that I didn't use back home. I don't know how much shipping costs. Plus, I wouldn't know what to do if my boyfriend even did this. I would accept the movie thing, but 600 quid?? That's a little too much. In American dollars, that's like $800. No way am I accepting that!! I'd rather we use that money for trips, not clothes.

So, should I accept it? Because I really don't know what to do with that.

I'll wait a couple days. I'll get back to my friend then.

Also, if you have a partner and you give them something and they say, "You really didn't have to get this. Please don't buy anything else for me." Then you should listen....or not. I don't know. I don't like it when people get me things. It seems like an awkward Christmas for me. I say thanks, but to be honest, I'm like a single woman asked to hold a baby. WTF do I do with this?

Anyway, I'm just sitting here on the floor on the third level outside my Spanish class waiting for it to start. While I am waiting, I'm listening to reggaeton. Someone shoulda told me about this a long time ago, nah, I shoulda asked my family every time we had a Colombian reunion. To be honest, I kinda wished I grew up with my dad's side more than my mom's side.



Bye Lovelies!!
❤

Music

I'm in a very happy mood when I listen to music.
Or when I see something funny and can't stop laughing.

Mainly music, because it's easier to access.

I wonder if I ever made a post about music before? I know that I wrote about it before, but I don't know where. I remember talking about I can see the beats in my head. The beat of the drum. The lingering of the string instrument. I can see music flow, it's crazy. I can also imagine numbers in thin air. I thinks that's how I could do math so fast. And when people talk I can see the words in my mind when I can't see them. For example, when I talk on the phone, when there are stray conversations I hear, or mainly when I don't pay attention in class.

Other times I get distracted by the voice, so I completely don't see what they are saying, instead I see the lines flow from their voice. It's quite bad when I'm talking to my boyfriend. I'll miss so many things just because I'm focusing on his voice and not on his words. That gets me into trouble a lot.

I also feel the emotion when people sing. Quite cheesy and possibly corny, but it's true. When it's live, it's more intense. I once went to a One Direction concert and the vibe was off. Louis seemed a bit ticked off or upset when he stepped onto the stage, the other guys noticed it, but didn't show it quite like Louis did.

Anyway, I was going somewhere with this....Oh! Yeah, my happy mood. It can change when I instantly listen to music. I once fell asleep in my bed listening to music, trying to calm myself down. It was The Wave. If some of you know what station that is, haha, you loser. If you don't, good, it will draw you in and won't let you leave. Fun fact: I started the saxophone when I listened to it on the radio a lot. I thought it was a cool sound. I didn't like being forced into it though, that and the bullying, but it was fun while it lasted. I can still sorta read music, but it's slow. Same with piano. I have no clue what keys I'm playing, but I can do it by ear or by looking at people touching certain keys. My grandma taught me some songs on the piano, I practiced a lot. It made my grandparents go crazy, mostly my uncle. Maybe that's why he was always outside. I miss those times.

If something makes you happy, hold onto that. Don't ever let anyone else stomp on your happiness.



❤

Mystery

I like puzzles. I like games. I like giving people puzzles to solve. I love putting pieces together. I once did a puzzle in my college library. It was a beautiful house with a beautiful garden.
I love writing.
Writing plus puzzles equals a fun game for me.
Even if I can't get a hold of someone, I will find a way. I could message my sister to tell her girlfriend to tell my mother a secret plan that I'm hatching. Then I can tell my dad who can tell someone else, who speaks Spanish, to see if they like my plan. Then I'll set the whole thing up, while I'm across the sea.
It's brilliant.
I can ask a friend to do something special for me, in return I'll give him what he asks for. I can have my sister drive me, her girlfriend on the lookout,  and my friend in position. The only thing now is to get inside the house with the permission of the mother. I'll create a diversion, pretend to be somewhere I'm not and surprise the person in the end.
But now that I told you all of this, I have to come up with a new plan.

That's one thing about me that will never change. I write stories, I hatch plans, and I sometimes stick to them. Depending on what the plan is.



❤

Looking at the Past Friends in the Future

Now, normally this would be a sad or something of that range type of thing, but this is very uplifting.

So, as y'all know, I was never in the cool/pretty groups in school. I hung out, kinda, but actually knew really nerdy/intelligent people. I had great acquaintances.

I look at their photos now and they look amazing. I always saw them as beautiful because of how they treated me with kindness. Sure, they were weird, but they made me laugh. I just now saw my old pal, Michelle.

She looks amazing. She looks stunning. I started looking at everyone else in my group of nerds and they all blossomed beautifully.

I look at them, then I look back at myself. I don't look any different. Just taller, I guess. But I am so proud of my friends. I started looking at all of the girls who picked on me and who were amazingly gorgeous at such a young age, they look the same. They don't have any before pictures, they only have after pictures throughout their life. They look plain to me.

But when you see your friends beautifully transform like the people they are today, it brings a tear to my eye.

I miss them.
Hopefully I'll see them again someday.

with Love❤

What's wrong?

I don't think people understand that I really would like to know what is on their mind. I want to help. I would like to know, especially if it is in my family.
Is someone dying?
Is it Lee? Did he die?
Is it mom? Did they find another cancer tumor on her?
Is it you? Did you break up with your girlfriend?
Is it papi? Did something bad happen to him? Or was it good?

What happened in my family that caused tears in both my mom's and sister's eyes?
Can someone please tell me what happened?

Did Tiki get eaten or run over? Is she dead?


I ask questions because I hate being in the dark. I hate not knowing something. Even if you were going to ask me if I liked your blue tie, but then said, "Never mind." I would love to have an input. I would love to know that you're able to ask me questions or tell me when something is wrong. I need people to know that they can trust me with whatever they have to say. I need someone to know that if something is bothering them, they can say it to me and not bottle it up. I know how it feels when you don't want to talk to someone, afraid how they might handle it. Or afraid of the outcome.

I want everyone who knows me or is close to me that it's alright to talk. I don't want them to be in the dark, and I don't want to be put in the dark, without any light to guide me.


(Song: Nuvole Bianche)




I wish that someone out there would just trust me for once with their words.

❤