Fleeting feeling

 I don't know if I have made progress, but then again it is always hard to see it when I see myself everyday.

"Watching you got me feeling blue."

I wish I could be like a vampire from the shows where we can just turn off our humanity.

Everyday I wish I could turn off my feelings all together. 

This part of my story is about a close friend I have... they said they needed space and its been 3 weeks.

Last time something like this happened, it was another friend who didn't speak to me for a WHOLE MONTH LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!!?

Another friend advise me to keep giving space for another 2 weeks so that it'll be a month... I just want to wish myself away, pretend I didn't exist... then I wouldn't have gone through all those broken friendships.

I think I am too much for people to handle. I have yet to find someone who can handle me... not even my siblings can handle me. Every keeps saying that people need space. But I have had space for SO LONG THAT I NEED INTERACTIONS NOW. Maybe everyone should go on a trip to a monastery and fucking meditate for 3 years by themselves and see how they feel after those lonely times.

I met a new friend and he's been great, but WAIT FOR IT! He doesn't wanna date me. lol

I am not saying death and money would help fix my life, but it would make it better.

Sleepless

Right now I am in a line to get some fucking donuts… are they good? Mmmm, debatable.

it depends on the flavor in my opinion.

i haven’t slept… well I didn’t sleep last night.

my friend called me to ask if THEY were a good friend.

i still don’t like their partner… because they are connected to… that bitch.

yes they are friends w the ppl that burned space in my mind and let it rot of the memory.

and my friend just told me what they think of me… or not think of me…

oh that pissed me off. I got so angry I started crying.

i hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it!!!

if I could, I would do unholy things to… that bitch. Is it torture? Depend on the laws of the UN. Haha…

I digress.

but I will put spells on all of them.

i will pray for their downfall.

ill put a barrier or protection spell on myself… but i will just slightly jinx them… or more.

who knows??

So yes I am mad. Oh I am pissed. But I will continue on my life and live it to the fullest that my mental state can handle.

i don’t know if anyone saw my last post… but i made a twitter to post more on there rather than here… so go lurk or follow idc. @aroyalplace ☺️

anyway… à bientôt