Funny how you meet people, thinking that they might not make an impact. Then comes along this dickhead. You both seem the same, but with little differences. They're serious at times, while you can't keep your mouth shut from laughing. They have a plan for the day, while you're still sleeping in at noon. They know what they like and dislike, while you don't care much or care for everything.
You're both on the other sides of the spectrum when it comes to things, but at times you do the same thing. You both laugh at something funny, you both like some of the same music, you both like little odd things, you both love to be goofy, you both think you're right, you both get mad at certain things, you both care about one another, and you both love each other.
You thought early on about where the relationship will go. It only goes two ways, you break up, or get married. You ask them a dumb question, "Would you marry me?" You said it very nonchalantly, or you said it as a curious question that you wanted an answer for. You didn't know if they felt the same, but you wanted to see if you should pursue them or not. You didn't want to get hurt like you always do. So, you end up asking a weird question.
The person responds with a shocked facial expression. You don't remember what they said, but it made you feel happy inside. You continue to pursue them. You felt scared about your parents and how they would react. You were mostly scared that your mother wouldn't approve of them, because she had a list. It was a stupid list. You had your own list.
1. Have to be adventurous
2. Have to have ambition/goal
3. Have to be educated (easy)
4. Have to be kind hearted
5. Have to cook (because you can't)
6. Have to love every inch of you, no matter what you like with the lights on naked.
You were scared about your mom's response when you walk in with a surprise. You tell them, "Not yet. I promise." They don't like the way of your thinking, but don't tell you that until you're 6 months in your relationship when you guys are talking one night. You needed to plan it at the right moment. You announced it the most awkward way possible. Have a dinner and bring a "friend". Good job! You completed the most stupid and childish way of going about things. You dumb fuck!
Anyway, you tell your parents. They took some time to approve. Fights and arguments went around. You said your, "sorry's" and were on your way. Good. You completed level one of being a person in a new relationship. Now for the bad news. You got accepted into a college, far away, but want to keep things going. It doesn't go well, but they make it work. You run to their house the day before you leave and see them cry. It breaks your heart, you've never seen them get so sad before, but it doesn't change the situation.
You wanted to stay. You wanted to hold them in your arms. You didn't want to go. You wanted to be with them.
You got to college, everything went well, at first. Then things got a little rocky. Never did it stay that way, because things picked back up for the good. You made friends. You loved them. You missed your significant other. Winter break was coming up. It went by so fast, but you still hold on to the memories you made with your SO (significant other).
Fast forward to now. You are in London. Across the sea about 5,000 miles away from your SO. You are nearing the end of the second term. You feel summer creeping up. You can't wait.
Your SO had a very future-y, weird, but good talk. Marriage again. It was quite nice how they described their feelings for you. Of course, your SO fell asleep, again, but it was nice to see their cute face.
I write this because I am thinking about the positive and about the future. I hope it goes well, I want to make it go the way I see it. I hope I become the person I want to be. I hope I get my dream job, Marine Biologist Researcher, in case you're wondering.
Goodnight love
❤
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Anything with an "S"
Success. Sleep. Stories. Safe. Sorrow. Sensitive. School. Schedule. Sin. Satisfaction. Secret. Sex.
I don't know why I started this with "S" words. I was successful today in class when I got something right. I never really heard or listened to what she was saying, but I looked at the pictures and figured it out.
Yesterday, I bought more shampoo, conditioner, and soap. They all smell like coconut. I love the smell of coconut. I love smelling like coconut. After class, I'm going to take a long, warm, and coconut shower. I can't wait! I want to get out of these clothes and get in water already!
Speaking of water, I might be working at an aquarium over the summer, or at a burger joint. I don't really care, I applied to things that I love. I love fries and marine animals. So it's a win-win.
I really hope that I get a job to be honest, I need to save for a tattoo, traveling, and to give to my other. I want to give so much to him. I want to show him weird, quirky things. I want to go to a museum, movie, art exhibit, and maybe just walk around town. I don't know. I want to buy him a shirt, I want to cook for him, and it's so weird. I can't do that, I suck at cooking. I don't suck at fashion though.
Classification of traits:
Cardinal: one trait that dominates the personality.
Mine is weird. It felt so negative at first when I heard it, but later saw it as a positive. I embrace my "weird" and hopefully I can find friends who don't mind it. I did actually, and I love them a lot.
I also found someone who loves me and my weird ways. I am so grateful for him and all that he's done to help me. It's like a movie scene where the girl jumps over the building to get away from the guys trying to catch her. Down below, she somehow lands on her feet and meets her lover in a jet black Royce. The song that insp. me is, "Back to Black" by Oscar and the Wolf. It has so much passion and sensual feel to it. You can hear the lust and the rough love in the way it's sung. I love it!
I would listen to it on repeat. Anyway, where was I? Nowhere really. *smirks*
Goodbye, for I must go.
❤
I don't know why I started this with "S" words. I was successful today in class when I got something right. I never really heard or listened to what she was saying, but I looked at the pictures and figured it out.
Yesterday, I bought more shampoo, conditioner, and soap. They all smell like coconut. I love the smell of coconut. I love smelling like coconut. After class, I'm going to take a long, warm, and coconut shower. I can't wait! I want to get out of these clothes and get in water already!
Speaking of water, I might be working at an aquarium over the summer, or at a burger joint. I don't really care, I applied to things that I love. I love fries and marine animals. So it's a win-win.
I really hope that I get a job to be honest, I need to save for a tattoo, traveling, and to give to my other. I want to give so much to him. I want to show him weird, quirky things. I want to go to a museum, movie, art exhibit, and maybe just walk around town. I don't know. I want to buy him a shirt, I want to cook for him, and it's so weird. I can't do that, I suck at cooking. I don't suck at fashion though.
Classification of traits:
Cardinal: one trait that dominates the personality.
Mine is weird. It felt so negative at first when I heard it, but later saw it as a positive. I embrace my "weird" and hopefully I can find friends who don't mind it. I did actually, and I love them a lot.
I also found someone who loves me and my weird ways. I am so grateful for him and all that he's done to help me. It's like a movie scene where the girl jumps over the building to get away from the guys trying to catch her. Down below, she somehow lands on her feet and meets her lover in a jet black Royce. The song that insp. me is, "Back to Black" by Oscar and the Wolf. It has so much passion and sensual feel to it. You can hear the lust and the rough love in the way it's sung. I love it!
I would listen to it on repeat. Anyway, where was I? Nowhere really. *smirks*
Goodbye, for I must go.
❤
Monday, February 15, 2016
Poundcake
No one knows what the title means unless you've met me. So, an ice cream man, my sister, my mom, my sister in law, and maybe my other.
I wear it with pride. I wear it, knowing that I'll get looks. I wear it knowing that I'm going to be fine in what I look like. A big, fat, round, shapely, nice, and soft Poundcake.
So, if you haven't been seeing my snapchats or take a peek on my tumblr, I am writing again. Not just any type of writing, a story. Man, I don't remember the last time I wrote a story. Oh wait, yes I do.
A year ago. That was the last time I wrote a story. Now, most of them are fiction, but this last one isn't. I wrote it in this journal I had all senior year of high school. My English teacher told us to write in our journals. I love to write. I love to read. And most of all, I love to imagine. So, it was my last year in high school, why not go out spilling all of my secrets?
In the journal, it was like this blog, except it had a love interest, me! Haha, nah. I came out, told secrets about me that no one else knows, except my cat. Said some hurtful things and feelings I had towards others, and towards myself. I really hated myself back then. I mean I still do, it's just not as much. I don't regret coming out to my teacher before my family. Heck, I came out to my cat before my dying grandmother. I couldn't handle it. I didn't know how they would react. All Tiki, my cat, did was blink at me and meow wanting more food. Cool. Still the same fat, furry asshole as ever. Man, I love her. My cat, for clarification. Anyway, back to the journal. I said some depressing things, to say the least. I told the story, or should I say stories, of my attempts of death. I wrote down how I felt in my family. I said how I hated my sister, my mother, and my father for not being there when I was growing up. I don't care much for my brother, because he moved out the day I turned one. I wrote down the events that involved cancer and members of my family. I mentioned my parents and their situation. I even said something about a guy that didn't even notice me. Shit, no guy ever did. Not even girls, or my friends. Quite sad.
I mean, I was a weird girl.
I don't care anymore though. In college, university, or whatever you want to call it, I found people who love me for who I am. Funny enough, one of them is from New York. The other is from the Netherlands. Who knew that I would find my best friends from different parts of the world just by going to a different state?
Do you guys ever wonder what goes through my mind when I write these? Songs.
That's it. Right now I'm listening to Ghost by Charlie. She has an amazing voice.
Well, I guess that's it for tonight.
My letters will come in the mail, I promise, they have a reason to. Never question why I do things. The answer might be that I love you. That's it.
❤️Peace✌🏼️
I wear it with pride. I wear it, knowing that I'll get looks. I wear it knowing that I'm going to be fine in what I look like. A big, fat, round, shapely, nice, and soft Poundcake.
So, if you haven't been seeing my snapchats or take a peek on my tumblr, I am writing again. Not just any type of writing, a story. Man, I don't remember the last time I wrote a story. Oh wait, yes I do.
A year ago. That was the last time I wrote a story. Now, most of them are fiction, but this last one isn't. I wrote it in this journal I had all senior year of high school. My English teacher told us to write in our journals. I love to write. I love to read. And most of all, I love to imagine. So, it was my last year in high school, why not go out spilling all of my secrets?
In the journal, it was like this blog, except it had a love interest, me! Haha, nah. I came out, told secrets about me that no one else knows, except my cat. Said some hurtful things and feelings I had towards others, and towards myself. I really hated myself back then. I mean I still do, it's just not as much. I don't regret coming out to my teacher before my family. Heck, I came out to my cat before my dying grandmother. I couldn't handle it. I didn't know how they would react. All Tiki, my cat, did was blink at me and meow wanting more food. Cool. Still the same fat, furry asshole as ever. Man, I love her. My cat, for clarification. Anyway, back to the journal. I said some depressing things, to say the least. I told the story, or should I say stories, of my attempts of death. I wrote down how I felt in my family. I said how I hated my sister, my mother, and my father for not being there when I was growing up. I don't care much for my brother, because he moved out the day I turned one. I wrote down the events that involved cancer and members of my family. I mentioned my parents and their situation. I even said something about a guy that didn't even notice me. Shit, no guy ever did. Not even girls, or my friends. Quite sad.
I mean, I was a weird girl.
I don't care anymore though. In college, university, or whatever you want to call it, I found people who love me for who I am. Funny enough, one of them is from New York. The other is from the Netherlands. Who knew that I would find my best friends from different parts of the world just by going to a different state?
Do you guys ever wonder what goes through my mind when I write these? Songs.
That's it. Right now I'm listening to Ghost by Charlie. She has an amazing voice.
Well, I guess that's it for tonight.
My letters will come in the mail, I promise, they have a reason to. Never question why I do things. The answer might be that I love you. That's it.
❤️Peace✌🏼️
Friday, February 5, 2016
Forgetful
i forget where I am, easily. It's hard for a person like me, because I get so wrapped up in things I'm watching, reading, or scrolling through.
Tomorrow I'm going shopping for some tight shorts with my roommate. She doesn't do fashion, but she does sports wear. I don't do sports wear, but I do fashion. So we help each other out.
The last few times of Skype was incredible. Sorry for falling asleep. I fall asleep when there is a nice noise in the background, like the sizzle of meat. -_-
I had to get used to noise growing up. I would always be at my grandmas house late at night, because my dad or mom would work so late, but my grandpa and grandma would watch their nightly shows. Even my uncle, who lived with them, would come to the living room and put on a show. I would then have to go to the bedroom and lay on my dinosaur blanket.
Holy shit. I was a total goober growing up. I liked dinosaurs, cars, puzzles, crosswords, playing with numbers, and writing stories. What kind of girl was I?
I remembered every time it would rain, my grandpa and I would make boats and float them down the tiny size flow near the curb. I loved flowers and plants. I loved tools, gardening and building. I loved the grass and the birds. I loved where I was every day from 1 to 13 years old. I say it ended when I was 13 because my house was now closer to my school, so instead of my grandma picking me up, I would just walk home.
What would've happened if I just walked 7 blocks in the other direction to my grandmas house after school? What would be different if I really spent time with them? How would my life had been if I still went over every day? I should've done that. I should've been there for my grandma. I should've talked to her and showed her how much I loved her after grandpa died. I should've done something. I should've gone on walks with her. I should've been there when she fell. I should've been there when she was calling my name from the bed. I should've visited more. I should've made time for her and my grandpa. I should've!
I'm sorry.
At least she met Melissa. At least I told her about myself. At least I told her that I would have someone to love. At least I told her that Cristina is going to be happy as well with someone she loves.
At least I saw her when she was in the hospital. At least I held her hand and said I'm doing great.
At least I saw her one last time.
See, you never forget a feeling. You do forget where you are, but something brings you back to reality. It's a feeling. Could be a shocked feeling, sad, mad, joy, panic, confused, or whatever you want to call it. But feelings never leave, they just go into another room and wait for you to follow them once again.
I will never let the feeling of love leave me alone in a room. I will hold it's hand until we both think it's time to leave.
❤️
Tomorrow I'm going shopping for some tight shorts with my roommate. She doesn't do fashion, but she does sports wear. I don't do sports wear, but I do fashion. So we help each other out.
The last few times of Skype was incredible. Sorry for falling asleep. I fall asleep when there is a nice noise in the background, like the sizzle of meat. -_-
I had to get used to noise growing up. I would always be at my grandmas house late at night, because my dad or mom would work so late, but my grandpa and grandma would watch their nightly shows. Even my uncle, who lived with them, would come to the living room and put on a show. I would then have to go to the bedroom and lay on my dinosaur blanket.
Holy shit. I was a total goober growing up. I liked dinosaurs, cars, puzzles, crosswords, playing with numbers, and writing stories. What kind of girl was I?
I remembered every time it would rain, my grandpa and I would make boats and float them down the tiny size flow near the curb. I loved flowers and plants. I loved tools, gardening and building. I loved the grass and the birds. I loved where I was every day from 1 to 13 years old. I say it ended when I was 13 because my house was now closer to my school, so instead of my grandma picking me up, I would just walk home.
What would've happened if I just walked 7 blocks in the other direction to my grandmas house after school? What would be different if I really spent time with them? How would my life had been if I still went over every day? I should've done that. I should've been there for my grandma. I should've talked to her and showed her how much I loved her after grandpa died. I should've done something. I should've gone on walks with her. I should've been there when she fell. I should've been there when she was calling my name from the bed. I should've visited more. I should've made time for her and my grandpa. I should've!
I'm sorry.
At least she met Melissa. At least I told her about myself. At least I told her that I would have someone to love. At least I told her that Cristina is going to be happy as well with someone she loves.
At least I saw her when she was in the hospital. At least I held her hand and said I'm doing great.
At least I saw her one last time.
See, you never forget a feeling. You do forget where you are, but something brings you back to reality. It's a feeling. Could be a shocked feeling, sad, mad, joy, panic, confused, or whatever you want to call it. But feelings never leave, they just go into another room and wait for you to follow them once again.
I will never let the feeling of love leave me alone in a room. I will hold it's hand until we both think it's time to leave.
❤️
Monday, February 1, 2016
Monthly
Ha! I noticed that I've said baby in my posts. I wasn't even thinking, I just did it because it felt normal. Like a habit.
Anyway, Happy Birthday Harry!!! (wow, he's 22 haha)
On with the day. It's 10 at night, going to be 11pm. I had a headache when I woke up today, at first I didn't know what it was from, but I now just figured it out. Silly me, causing myself problems.
I also made a list of things to do, not really. They were more like things not to do. I guess you could say I completed my list. Didn't fuck up today.
I took a nice and uncomfortable shower today. It was nice because my skin feels like silk afterwards. Uncomfortable because the shower cubicle got clogged and it was flooding. Gross.
Now I'm in bed laying on my stomach, I fell asleep just now. As I was saying, I'm in bed on my computer waiting to be talk to. Waiting for my headache to go away. I should start saying migraine, since it is that. I hate getting migraines, they never go away and I always have to take more pills than normal to actually work. I've taken three and even they aren't helping. I'm going to drink water and lay down.
Happy Monday.
❤
Anyway, Happy Birthday Harry!!! (wow, he's 22 haha)
On with the day. It's 10 at night, going to be 11pm. I had a headache when I woke up today, at first I didn't know what it was from, but I now just figured it out. Silly me, causing myself problems.
I also made a list of things to do, not really. They were more like things not to do. I guess you could say I completed my list. Didn't fuck up today.
I took a nice and uncomfortable shower today. It was nice because my skin feels like silk afterwards. Uncomfortable because the shower cubicle got clogged and it was flooding. Gross.
Now I'm in bed laying on my stomach, I fell asleep just now. As I was saying, I'm in bed on my computer waiting to be talk to. Waiting for my headache to go away. I should start saying migraine, since it is that. I hate getting migraines, they never go away and I always have to take more pills than normal to actually work. I've taken three and even they aren't helping. I'm going to drink water and lay down.
Happy Monday.
❤
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