Forgetful

i forget where I am, easily. It's hard for a person like me, because I get so wrapped up in things I'm watching, reading, or scrolling through.
Tomorrow I'm going shopping for some tight shorts with my roommate. She doesn't do fashion, but she does sports wear. I don't do sports wear, but I do fashion. So we help each other out.

The last few times of Skype was incredible. Sorry for falling asleep. I fall asleep when there is a nice noise in the background, like the sizzle of meat. -_-
I had to get used to noise growing up. I would always be at my grandmas house late at night, because my dad or mom would work so late, but my grandpa and grandma would watch their nightly shows. Even my uncle, who lived with them, would come to the living room and put on a show. I would then have to go to the bedroom and lay on my dinosaur blanket.
Holy shit. I was a total goober growing up. I liked dinosaurs, cars, puzzles, crosswords, playing with numbers, and writing stories. What kind of girl was I?
I remembered every time it would rain, my grandpa and I would make boats and float them down the tiny size flow near the curb. I loved flowers and plants. I loved tools, gardening and building. I loved the grass and the birds. I loved where I was every day from 1 to 13 years old. I say it ended when I was 13 because my house was now closer to my school, so instead of my grandma picking me up, I would just walk home.
What would've happened if I just walked 7 blocks in the other direction to my grandmas house after school? What would be different if I really spent time with them? How would my life had been if I still went over every day? I should've done that. I should've been there for my grandma. I should've talked to her and showed her how much I loved her after grandpa died. I should've done something. I should've gone on walks with her. I should've been there when she fell. I should've been there when she was calling my name from the bed. I should've visited more. I should've made time for her and my grandpa. I should've!




I'm sorry.




At least she met Melissa. At least I told her about myself. At least I told her that I would have someone to love. At least I told her that Cristina is going to be happy as well with someone she loves.
At least I saw her when she was in the hospital. At least I held her hand and said I'm doing great.

At least I saw her one last time.

See, you never forget a feeling. You do forget where you are, but something brings you back to reality. It's a feeling. Could be a shocked feeling, sad, mad, joy, panic, confused, or whatever you want to call it. But feelings never leave, they just go into another room and wait for you to follow them once again.


I will never let the feeling of love leave me alone in a room. I will hold it's hand until we both think it's time to leave.



❤️