Glasses for the hard of Hearing

I always wonder what it would be like to be deaf like my mom.
Or to go blind like my aunt.

I would stare in the sun.
Blast noise into my head.
Try everything so I wouldn't have one or the other.
But as I grew up... it is becoming a reality.
I need glasses to focus my eyes.
I need the volume on music down low that my friends get mad at me for requesting it.

But if I had to choose? For permanent?
I would go deaf.
I wouldn't want to hear your voice.
I wouldn't want to know your laugh anymore.
I don't want to recognize a phrase you say in a video.
No more noise.
It's false anyways... you never tell the truth.
If I was deaf... I would have never heard you yell at me.
I would have never heard crashes and slaps.
I would have never seen you mad in a different room.

If I couldn't hear anymore, I would be able to sleep better.
I'd probably make my depressive mood worse.
I wouldn't hear a thing.
I would sleep for days.
I wouldn't hear the noises from my phone... like anyone cares anyways.

Right now, my life is constant noise... so much so that I have to mute everything to feel at ease.
But again, no one cares enough.
Which is why I like the only noise in my head.
It tells me what I want to hear.
It never lies to me.
I hear it 24/7.

I heard it tell me that one day you would leave me and never look at me like you did before.
The next time you would stare into my eyes, would be the day you say, "I miss you."
Or so I have been told.


It's getting late, dark, and scary.
Let me sleep some more before I have to wake to this nightmare.



Peace.