Emotional night... so, the usual.

            It was told to me over and over again. I needed to change. I wasn’t the girl he fell in love with. What happened to that girl? She’s right here, I scream in my head. I repeatedly yelled I love you! But it didn’t matter. It was all in my head. He couldn’t hear me. I could sense the hurt in his eyes, his voice, and the look on his face. Why couldn’t I change? Why did I always mess up, badly? I didn’t know. He thought it was from my bad childhood, but I knew it wasn’t that simple. It didn’t feel like that, that childhood business was a total lie, I knew it deep down. Why did I tell him? I always say something that ticks him off. Here we go again, ah fuck. He knew the girl was somewhere inside, but he didn’t know what happened to her after I moved to Missouri. You were the one who left me, he said. I know. He says that all the fucking time. I KNOW!  I just didn’t know what I needed to do to become that girl again. I’ll make an appointment with a therapist and figure it out myself. If you don’t change when you come back to me, I’m done. You won’t ever see me again. He said with a very serious tone. That’s when it hit me. I started crying. I hated it, every time. I can’t lose you. I love you! I love you so much.