my happiness

if you knew me, which you probably do, I write in lower case when I'm sad.

besides the "I" and such, everything else is lower.

I miss you. I love you. when will you talk to me? will it be when I come back?

I'm tired more than I should be because I'm waiting for you to respond or to even say "hi".

am I crazy? should I stop waiting? I just want to know if I should stop so I could continue without the thought of you being upset at me.

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So, I wrote that, up there, last night. Now that I went to bed, had the greatest sleep ever, thanks to some pills, I went through my day. I still feel sad, but it's not as big. I still feel guilty, which I probably shouldn't, but I do. I feel like it's all my fault, which again, I shouldn't do. Jerk. Sorry, that was uncalled for. But what was more uncalled for...you just completely ignoring me. Nah, man. You just can't do that. If we need to do that "pause" thing again, just tell me. I'd be happy to do anything for you. Anything that would make you feel less irritated, stressed, or unhappy even.
If you are doing that, then I guess it's until I come back home, right? Is that right? Did I answer that correctly? Please, tell me, because I would love to know things. Ya know? I'm not a fucking mind reader. If this "pause" thing is effective immediately, then that's a while month. And you don't know how strong my silent game is. Actually, it's a tad weak, but soon enough, it will be stronger than ever.

When I was little, I would try to be mute so my mom wouldn't get mad, but it made her angrier. Is that what you might do? Huh, baby?!? Tell me. Please.

I can go on, acting like you. I can. I can manipulate my mind in telling me to be someone different. All I have to do is think of a character and be that person. Let's see. Which one of my characters is a ruthless, emotionless, rebellious, little fucker, and someone that does whatever she wants??? Oh yeah, you're dating a writer, so be prepared. Be prepared MOTHER FUCKER!!

Here comes Agent G.C. I made her when writing a superhero short story. She even has her own wardrobe on my Polyvore account. She wears leather, all black, and carries a  M1911 black pistol. She is an agent of course, but she did go rogue, so I'd be careful.

Of course, I don't have a gun, haha... I just need to think like her.

Have fun baby, with the silence and all.

I love you

❤