Shocked

I haven't hit my prime years and yet... my life has more to say than a guy trying to prove he was right in an argument. (lol at that metaphor)

What I mean is... I thought my life would be dull, but it has been everything else except that.

What shocked me was how my life went from "being a dull/invisible being to the world" to "whats next on the checklist set out by society"? Ok. So not a good way of putting it, but let me explain.

18 years: starting college, having a roommate who did hardcore drugs, a drinking party that got out of hand, almost witnessed a sexual harassment situation (I stopped it), took care of a drunk girl (who is now my friend, lol), so many people having sex, and studying abroad.

Now 19 to 20 years is mostly meh. I developed an eating disorder that was found out because my friend saw me lose a lot of weight in a short amount of time. And she also knew that I wasn't doing shit, so it was unhealthy. I also was attacked in a way at a club in London. I almost hooked up in a club, but politely declined because I was in a relationship. Walked home by myself after the people I went with to the party wanted to stay. Mind you, I walked alone, in a different country, when the public transport wasn't operating. I went to my partners country and met the family. I had a rough time there and didn't explode until the last few days because I was tired from being "lost" (in a sense) during the whole trip.
Oh yeah, most of the time, I had a lot of good times even though there were rough patches.
I forgot to add, but when I was 18 I had sex for the first time.... it wasn't great in the sense that, I don't want to sound mean, but it was literally getting played with down there by another person. That doesn't make sense probably, but I am just saying that having sex for the first time isn't a big deal and people shouldn't be afraid. I was so afraid I thought I was going to pass out. I almost did. 

Jumping to this year, I am old enough for adult things. Little did I know, being an adult, has dumb adult things that follow me.

So to sum all this up, even though it is only February, I have a nice total.
I have a hater.
Her stalker friends.
A fake friend. (snuffed that out real nice)
A creepy ex-friend. (he was like a creepy sexual predator)
A group of people who have nothing better to do than to dislike me. (like go back to getting alcohol poisoning, thanks)
A mother who blames me for shit.
A father who is still shitty.
An ex who keeps frustrating me and acts childish. (found out that I am a delight and he was basically gaslighting me our whole relationship)

One thing I will get right and still trying to be happy.
Whether it is with my many mental illnesses or even finding out that being alone could mean that I get to sleep for a whole day without anyone bothering me. And I think that is a delight.
Though I wish I brought my crochet materials...Damn. Anyway, if I am going to live my life, then I get to say what is a mistake and what isn't. No one else should tell me if drinking a bottle of rose at 4 in the morning is bad, no! Only I will decide. And I will try to not let others judge me or let their judging get to me.
Well, I guess I better sleep.



Peace.