Thunder

It is not every day that it rains.
Less if there is lightning and thunder.
But when it does it... you will find me in a corner, a hole, covered in a blanket, shaking, crying, or anything else.

I hate it.
Tonight was ok. There was fog and it was raining, no big deal, I can handle it.
When it hit a certain time, thunder struck my campus, shook my building, and sent me running.
I felt stupid.
I was breathing fast and hard.
My head was dizzy.
I was about to faint.
One thing I will never forget was, "When you feel like you're about to fall, sit/lie down."
That is what I did, in fetal position, and continued to cry my eyes out.

I thought I could call the only person who could calm me down.
He didn't answer the first 2 times. Wow what a dick, and when I actually needed him.
I called again. He picks up and I hear a sigh. WOoOooOOooOw ok.
"What?"
I made a face... ok never mind, I won't call you in future times then. If you don't want to be helpful and get me through this hard time for me.
No, I'll just lie here crying for the next hour until the thunder decides to take a break.
Yeah, lemme just be here, shaking, crying, face buzzing, and my hands too unsteady to even hold the phone.
"You're an adult, this is stupid."
WOW.
Ok, fine then. You experience a panic attack and next time you need someone, don't come for me. Better yet, call your mother.
Because I know that my mom won't get it, she doesn't believe in mental illnesses, so why would she believe I am having a panic attack over some noise?
Right? It's just some noise? Some stupid, loud, crashing noise?

Yeah, I haven't been depended on you in a while, and I would never ask unless it is serious.
So you know what? Next time it does hit, the thunder, I will fucking cry again.
I'll have a panic attack, alone in my room, where no one knows its happening.

I guess everyone was right. I should stop depending on you. You dismiss, belittle, and make me feel like a fool for being like this.

I'm done.
I'll fight on my own then.
And I'll just use you for my own enjoyment. Isn't that what you have been doing to me?

From this day forward, I will have no pity, no patience, no heart, and only anger towards you.
I will tell you what I want from you and you can decide to except it or not.

Fuck You!