Meds

I either have a spirit looking over me, or I am getting better at taking myself out of my dissociative trance.

Have you ever done it so hard that you forgot that you were on the toilet for almost an hour?

Did it ever go on forever that you forgot that it was the ceiling you were staring at?

I got so lost once that I almost forgot why I was on the train.
I was on the train with a friend too.

Sometimes at night, I might go for a few hours before I sleep to take my meds. Its always before I go to sleep. You see, thats bad. I forgot to take them until its almost too late.

I have that lost look on my face, I'm too deep into my own head that I forget that someone was pounding on the door for the single bathroom at a coffee shop.

Tonight I almost went crazy, literally.

I take meds that make me stop thinking in a certain way. Basically to numb the crazy in my brain.

I will admit that I am curious as to why my ex is talking with his ex.
He told me that she had said she misses him and loves him.

For some reason that bothers me, but I don't know why.

I feel secure in being individual and single.

I don't want my ex back.

But there is something that keeps crawling behind my head... a single thought.

She's a whore and you gave her a good time.  I want to scream at him.

Yes, I know, that word is harsh. Yes, I don't know her personally, but she has inserted herself into my life that I am not guilty in saying it.

I also wanna scream.... to her... HE CHEATED ON YOU WITH ME! WE HAD SEX! AND HE LIKED IT THAT HE ASKED FOR MORE.

They were long distance, phone, facetime, skype, text, and call type of shit. I ain't even mad he fucked me, I had no feelings.

This fucker said, "I miss you."
I felt nothing, sorry you man slut. I moved on.

Anyway, they "broke" up, but I doubt it. They still communicate. Her friend... I think, cuz idk... sent me a message on Instagram saying he and I deserve each other cuz WE are both cheaters.... like huh? I ain't cheat on no one! This person also said that I hurt my boyfriend... but like I never had one?

So this story is just so funny... I legit laughed, reported, and blocked the person.

Also, I am so thankful to her.. I'll shout her out... Katelynn!!! Thank you for looking at my tik toks!! You gave me views, even though you're a hater. I thrive on people looking at my content. SO thank you for that sweetheart.

With all of that out on the table, I just wanna say...  I ain't looking to get back with my ex, nor am I trying to get with a man... Like excuse me, but men are trash.
I'm tryna find myself a cutie with a booty. A loving girlfriend.

Also... I love this part, but honey... I saw your texts with him and he called you fucking dumb and crazy... Like HE showed me the phone and he would rant to me about you girl.

Anywhoooo…. I took my meds, that's what this was about. I am in bed, typing this cuz why not?

She ain't neva gonna see this, unless she clicked my links.... in that case...

What up girl? When you're of age, give me a call and we can go for drinks!!

oh yeah, thats right people, she ain't even 21... and my ex, who is older, dated her. EW GROSS.

But oh well. He told me that he ain't neva gonna do long distance relationships again.

Imma keep on living my life, doing tik toks, making content, and being free without worrying about someone.

Bye loves!

Peace